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Joke of the Day

"It's adorable how I write ""beer"" on my shopping list like I'd somehow forget."

"""Paper or plastic?"" Sorry i have a boyfriend ""Thats cool, but how should i bag your grocer-"" I think we should just be friends"

"(Cargo pants filled with tater tots) ""How many do I need to get an Xbox?"" ""Sir, that's not how Toys for Tots works."" ""FALSE ADVERTISING!"""

"The UK's economy. That's the joke."

"Police arrested two kids yesterday One was drinking battery acid, the other one eating fireworks. They carged one - and let the other one off."

"Rick Astley will let you borrow any DVD from his Disney Pixar collection, except one."

"A Chinese girl was pregnant at the age of 14. Her name was Sum Yong Ho."

"When I smacked Dwayne Johnson's ass... I really hit Rock bottom."

"I wish my lawn were a depressed emo so it would just cut itself."

"either my xbox is broken, or it wants to get married and start a family... because it's done playing games with me."