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Joke of the Day

"I wish my lawn were a depressed emo so it would just cut itself."

"My local post office uses four checkouts unless it's really busy; then they use one."

"What did the wife say to the undertaker when he started hitting his broken down car? Stop beating a dead hearse!"

"I love the smell of my F5 key... It's just so refreshing!"

"How do elephants hide themselves in the jungle? They paint their testacles red and climb in a cherry tree. What's the loudest noise in the jungle? Monkeys eating cherries."

"Don't you dare go playing that drum again. There will be repercussions!"

"A wizard is walking down the street... EDIT: Then he turns into a bar. Sorry, put this in the comment rather than the text field. Guilty as charged."

"How do you see countries neighboring Russia? Ukraine your neck."

"The next version of Android oughta be called Nuts. That way I can tell everyone that they're holding an Android with its nuts in their hand."

"At a gag gift exchange, I gave a woman a hotdog and a condom She said ""Frankly, I never sausage a small weiner."""