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Joke of the Day

"""Paper or plastic?"" Sorry i have a boyfriend ""Thats cool, but how should i bag your grocer-"" I think we should just be friends"

"A good thing about dating a vegan is that you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone when you buy flowers because they're also a snack for later."

"Nightclub bouncers find me so attractive that they ask me to stand next to them while they make everyone else go inside."

"What is an elf's favourite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!"

"Scientists report global context shortage. ""I guess I'll have flan,"" some scientist said, totally out of context."

"Two flies are sitting on a piece of shit One fly passes gas and the other looks at him, ""Come on man, I'm eating over here!"""

"[job interview] ""We feel that you just aren't quite mature enough for the position."" It's the Velcro shoes, isn't it. ""...yes."""

"What should you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle? Wipe it off and apologise."

"CNN Poll: 50% of Bernie Sanders supporters drink whole milk, 35% drink 2% milk, and 15% drink skim milk They all hate the 1% though"

"What's the difference between an Nvidia card and an AMD card? One empties your pocket. The other makes Hot Pockets."