197613

Joke of the Day

"A survey recently revealed that 50% of people shit in the shower, do you know what the other 50% do? I didn't think so you filthy twat!"

"What is condemned and overused yet as inescapable as a black hole? clickbait -_-"

"Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday 13th.The next day he won the lottery"

"When I was a kid, hearing, ""Wow, you are really getting heavy"" used to make me beam with satisfaction..... But now I'm 35 and weigh 300 pounds, that shit has totally lost its appeal."

"I tried to get a guy over to fix my window screen but we couldn't get our times to mesh."

"Q: How many Camera Assistants does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Five: One to do it and four to tell you how they did it on the last job."

"My friend got into the final of the Suit Olympics. He's worried he's gonna tie, but I told him not to worry if he wins or not."

"How many redditors does it take to post a joke to /r/Jokes? Three. One to post it, another to post a better punchline in the comment section, and another to repost it with the new punchline."

"I'm on that ""I don't give a fuck diet."" I've lost 10 assholes already."

"The Macarena is pretty menacing if you do it in silence in the queue at the bank."