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Joke of the Day

"I tried to get a guy over to fix my window screen but we couldn't get our times to mesh."

"I hate when I'm cruising in my convertible, hair blowing in the wind, then realize I'm just sitting on my ride-on lawnmower. Drunk. Again."

"Briefly explain 'hard water' ice"

"I put my pants on like everyone else: with difficulty, blaming the dryer for shrinking them."

"A gaggle of geese. A murder of crows. A nope of laundry."

"""Is that old Chinese food in the trash? There's Q-tips in there too? AND a bag of my poop? This is gonna be so good!"" --dogs"

"What do you call a black Canadian? Just 'Canadian'."

"Did you hear about the man that submitted all those entries to the pun contest? He was hoping one would take first place, but no pun in ten did."

"Daddy, what's for dinner? ""did you have cereal for breakfast?"" No ""then cereal"""

"What do you get when a superhero has to use the restroom? A comic relief."