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Joke of the Day

"Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday 13th.The next day he won the lottery"

"How do you get half of Mexico to jump off a cliff? Throw a penny off. How do you get the other half to jump too? ... Tell them no one found it yet."

"I taught the kids to sign my name on report cards and detention slips because a good parent knows how to delegate responsibility."

"Assuming Twitter is legally binding, when I die, please wrap me in a giant ball of burrata as this is my greatest wish. Thank you."

"Since you guys like clean jokes, here is one."

"There are hundreds of ways to make a woman happy and only one to make a man happy: LEAVE HIM ALONE."

"Hey baby, lemme see what's under that shell. Ugh, as if. *Lady turtle starts walking away.* [3 hours later] I still see you there baby."

"I've got a new habit. And a naked dead nun."

"I can't imagine why more guys don't do yoga. 1. Yoga pants 2. Lots of girls 3. Lots of girls in yoga pants doing yoga moves"

"I'm writing a theatrical work on puns It's a play on words."