197590

Joke of the Day

"don't always talk on the phone. But when I do, I walk around like an idiot and touch everything in sight."

"please tell me that when we defeat ISIS they will have to become WASWAS"

"*Friend is sinking in quicksand* Get help before I drown! *I start to run, stop, jog back to friend* Technically you're not drow- NATE!"

"Huge shout out to the woman that message me first... Love you, Mum!"

"""I looked up into the sky and matched each star with a reason why I love you."" ""That's so sweet."" ""Not particularly. It was daytime."""

"You hang up ""No, you hang up"" You hang up first! - Bats going to bed"

"Have you met the mushroom man? He's a real fun guy."

"I have a cast iron fetish I guess you could say I'm pansexual"

"""I'd like two scoops of ice cream, please."" ""Chocolate or vanilla?"" ""Yes."" ""Yes what?"" ""Yes, Sir, ice cream man, Sir!"""

"I made my will yesterday and had to make my lawyer the beneficiary because my estate will just about cover his bill"