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Joke of the Day

"*Friend is sinking in quicksand* Get help before I drown! *I start to run, stop, jog back to friend* Technically you're not drow- NATE!"

"What's a vampire cows worst fear? Steaks."

"Have you heard of the joke about the broken coinfactory? It doesn't make cents"

"How many goals did Germany score? A Brazillion."

"I once had a friend addicted to drinking breaker fluid. He said, ""I can stop whenever I want."""

"Child: ""Mama, I'm tired of running in circles..."" Mom: ""Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!"""

"Ok, I'm finally off dairy. Next is sugar, then heroin."

"If someone tells you there are 2 Ayers Rock... Don't be fooled it's uluru's."

"Screw you, targeted Facebook ad for adult diapers! *thinks about not having to pause TV or games* *orders some*"

"[ First Date ] Her: So you're a MMA fighter? * flashback to me kickboxing a mannequin at Nordstrom's * Me: Yea, I'm still training"