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Joke of the Day

"The Democratic National Committee. That's it. That's the entire fucking joke."

"I haven't fapped for seven days... ... because that would be too long."

"How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?"

"If i was stranded on an island with a fully functioning plane and a runaway,, I'd still be stranded on an island."

"Few things stress me out as much as a waiter who doesn't write the order down."

"What is black and smells like blue paint? Black paint."

"A man walks into a bar It was a metal one. He hit his head and got a concussion"

"[to the secretary before I go in for job interview] ""when the music starts, hit this button and that will activate the fog machine"""

"Waiter waiter! There's a dead spider in my soup. Yes ma'am they can't stand the boiling water."

"Why don't we ever go 'forth and back'? To go forth and multiply is more fun."