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Joke of the Day

"When you get turned on by the idea of the government watching you masturbate That's just you feeling Illumi-naughty."

"How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. But don't ask me how they got in there."

"Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper ? He sold his soul to Santa."

"did your friends rob that bank? ""I'll never talk"" I forgot that you're prejudice against robbers ""what?!? some of my best friends rob banks"""

"Oops, I ""accidentally"" left my in-laws at the grocery store. Darn. I guess I'll just have to get them Monday on the way back to the airport."

"How does trump fire a gun? He tells the bullet it's fired."

"I lost my virginity to a mentally disabled girl last night I wanted my first time to be special."

"Q: Why did the brain cell go to the other side of the brain? A: I don't know. It hadn't really crossed my mind."

"My wife asked me to pass her lipbalm & I gave her superglue by mistake. She's still not talking to me"

"I do my women like I do my homework I don't"