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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper ? He sold his soul to Santa."

"Coworker who supports Trump: Big weekend plans? Me: Huge. My weekend plans are so big you won't believe it. No one has bigger weekend plans."

"Anyone else hear the new Whitney Houston song they just released? No? Well it's very underground right now."

"My friends tell me I'm condescending Condescending is when you talk down to people"

"""Owen, you must hide this baby, at all costs, from Anakin Skywalker."" ""Okay. Should we continue to call him Luke Skywalker?"" ""Seems fine."""

"""Alright they've left for vacation lets rob em"" Oh shoot their porch lights are on ""So what we literally watched them leave"" Rules are rules"

"All the good ones are taken. All the funny ones are fat. All the smart ones are ugly. All the ones with all of the above are fictional."

"If a white girl goes to starbucks and doesn't post a picture on instagram, did she really go to starbucks at all?"

"Sam Adams is the main reason I know what season it is."

"My wife just opened a jar of pickles by herself and I can't help but believe my days around here are numbered..."