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Joke of the Day

"My nephew told me all he wants for Christmas is his dead dog back. Can't WAIT to see his face when I wrap it up and stick it under the tree."

"Excuse me sir, where do you keep the ""Whoomp""? Oh, there it is."

"What's the difference between a Porsche and a Porcupine? A Porcupine has the pricks on the outside"

"Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Six. One to change it five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light."

"I decided to put certified SCUBA diver on my resume. That way they know I can handle intense pressure on the job."

"I had a happy childhood. My dad would put me inside a tire and then roll me down a hill. They were Goodyears."

"An old lady at the park said to me today, ""I see your dog's fetching balls.""I said, ""I know he has but, at your age, you shouldn't really be looking."""

"There was a birthday party at the homeless shelter It also had a poor punch line."

"What sound does a Nintendo Ambulence make? Wii U, Wii U, Wii U, Wii U."

"Be careful in traffic with your pasta car... You wouldn't want it to get al dente."