19791

Joke of the Day

"Excuse me sir, where do you keep the ""Whoomp""? Oh, there it is."

"*Wakes up in Superman's body* Me: Holy crap! I'm finally a hero! *Uses heat vision to re-heat last night's pizza & puts on Netflix*"

"The letter E is used frequently and infrequently."

"Who's a good example of a Swedish Spaniard? Per Ejemplo."

"Just once I want to wake up to something exciting. *Wakes up next to spider crawling on pillow."

"Another previously unknown dinosaur was the Thesaurus who used flowery language to confuse and disorient predators while he made his escape"

"What do you call a pretzel with roofies in it? Forget-me-knots!"

"I have a gardening tool that I use to dig up large amounts of treasure So yeah, I got a big booty hoe"

"A random Aussie called me a cunt. I guess we are like best friends now."

"I am a Renaissance Man in the sense that I'll probably die young of a horrible disease while great discoveries are made around me."