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Joke of the Day

"I had a happy childhood. My dad would put me inside a tire and then roll me down a hill. They were Goodyears."

"I think unscented candles are bullshit... cuz every candle smells like something's burning. (Best read in a Hedberg voice.)"

"What do Mexicans call a commando? A Juan man army..."

"Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? They're always eating out."

"The ladies in my knitting club think it's hilarious when I greet them by saying, ""Sup, my knittas?!"""

"[at oceanside seafood restaurant] Me: Is the fish fresh here? Waiter: Yes *from the kitchen, a fish blows me a kiss & waves seductively*"

"Is it just a coincidence that you turn purple when you choke? skol"

"Relationship or hallucination? Either way, I'm seeing somebody."

"What did the Irishman say about the RC car tied to his scrotum? It drives me nuts."

"Grandma complained that no one ever calls, so I put a ""How's My Driving?"" bumper sticker on her car...The phone pretty much rings off the hook now."