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Joke of the Day
"What do you call a kid with an eyepatch and no limbs? Names."
Next Joke
"I'd like you to meet my family, my wife Sharon, my son Carl, and this balloon that follows me around"
"What is the difference between an amateur archer and a constipated owl? One shoots but can't hit... The other hoots but can't shit."
"Why does Kylo Ren decline all my raid invites in WoW? Cause he been solo."
"Salad tastes pretty good once you add some Nutella and throw away the salad."
"People say I am condescending. THAT MEANS I TALK DOWN TO PEOPLE."
"Intellectual person on phone. Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?"
"When confronted, people in wheelchairs never seem to stand up for themselves."
"""When I'm done shitting on your car I'm going to watch your wife undress through her window""-Birds"
"Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Just think, there are people out there who don't get to read my tweets."