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Joke of the Day

"Yeah, he jumped from 128,000 feet, but I fixed the shower today with a 4yo asking what i was doing 128,000 times.... Lets call it tie, ok?"

"What does a necrophiliac say to confess his love for someone? ""You're dead to me"""

"Helen Keller walks into a bar And a chair...and a table"

"I like my friends like I like my coffee... I gave it up for lent"

"Moses walks into a bar And says ""I'll just halve water"""

"*finds all 7 dragonballs *dragon appears* ""WHAT IS YOUR WIS...OH GODDAMMIT CHAD, FOR THE LAST TIME I CANNOT MAKE PEOPLE RESPECT NICKELBACK"""

"At least I've never taken a picture with an iPad."

"I named my hard drive ""dat ass""... Once a month, my computer asks if I want to 'back dat ass up'."

"What do you call a Hebrew that lives in the Alpines? A Mountain Jew."

"[dinner table] gfs dad: so what do you do for a living me: human trafficking *he chokes* gf: he's a crossing guard dad"