191908

Joke of the Day

"I hate it when people ask me where I'll be in 5 years. I don't have 2020 vision."

"My girlfriend told me to stop listening to Oasis I said maybe.."

"How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan? You take away its tiny brooms."

"Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in the way that they are looking forward to it."

"Son: ""Mom, Dad... I'm gay"" Mom: *staring at dad Dad: *clenches fists Mom: ...don't! Dad: *sweats profusely Mom: Dad: HI GAY, I'M DAD"

"Q: What did the left eye say to the right eye? A: Just between you and me, something smells down there."

"What excuse does an Ape give for abducting a pretty girl? I can't help it - she brings out the beast in me!"

"I had to check my printer because I thought I heard music coming from it. It was the paper jamming."

"It has been brought to my attention that people stickers on car windows are NOT pedestrian kills,but family members. Removing mine ASAP."

"Heard this one at the bar last night: Women are good for 70 things... Making sandwiches and 69."