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Joke of the Day

"There was a male striper who absolutely hated his line of work and wanted to quit. The pay was really good though, so he decided to stick it out for a little bit longer."

"Some asshole has got my pen is what the nurse said when she noticed she had a rectal thermometer in her pocket. edit: punctuation."

"Last night a hypnotist convinced me I was a soft, malleable metal with an atomic number of 82. I'm easily lead."

"I can't go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes"

"Why should you never play Uno with a Mexican? Because they'll steal all the green cards."

"I can't wait until I'm 69. It's going to be hilarious."

"Me: What do you want for breakfast? 4yo: Bagel Me: *makes it 4yo: Tricked you! I wanted toast Me: Nice trick. Now, eat your bagel"

"Sar-Chasm (noun) When you're joking, but everyone thinks you're being serious, you've fallen into the sar-chasm."

"chasing tornados is fun until you catch one."

"How many HAES advocates does it take to replace a lightbulb? Just because it's round doesn't mean it needs to change, sizest thin scum."