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Joke of the Day

"How many instruments do you have to be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?"

"Felt sad when I heard Taylor Swift is now with Tom Hiddleston. Apparently, my subconscious thought I had a chance with Tom Hiddleston."

"Me: I'm going shopping. Him: If you buy more than one pair of shoes I'm divorcing you. Me: Deal!"

"Breaking News: Criminal author gets 5 years in book case Check out his story!"

"A sheep calls a sex line... Sheep: I'd ram you so hard. Operator: Ewe are a baaaaaad boy!"

"What's the difference between a millennial and a mutual fund? A mutual fund will eventually mature and make money"

"""No comment"" said no woman, ever"

"My Grandpa said, ""Your generation relies too much on technology!"" I replied, ""No, your generation relies too much on technology!"" Then I unplugged his life support"

"So I'm reading that ""twerking"" and ""selfie"" have been added to the dictionary. ""Future"" and ""optimism"" have been removed..."

"If you take an Asian man and spin him around 3 times... Does he become disoriented?"