148296
Joke of the Day
"What do you ask a Mexican girl you like? Netflix and chili?"
Next Joke
"What I say: Play outside. What my kid hears: Find a spot in the yard where I can't see you so I constantly imagine you've been kidnapped."
"What did the blind, paraplegic kid get for his christmas? ..cancer"
"You're too drunk, dear. Alcohol you later."
"Sex is like pizza If you're going to use barbecue sauce, you better know what the fuck you're doing"
"My 2yr old pointed at my crotch and said, ""Big pee pee!"" I'm taking him with me everywhere I go from now on."
"Why does it take so long to play Israeli sports? Because all the replays are in shlomo."
"The decision to not set back my clocks last fall is looking pretty good right now."
"I got in a lot of trouble on a date recently because I didn't open the car door for her Instead I just swam up to the surface"
"Did you hear about my time machine? I sold it next week"