15131

Joke of the Day

"Me: I'm going shopping. Him: If you buy more than one pair of shoes I'm divorcing you. Me: Deal!"

"SECURITY GUARD: [speaking into the cuff of his shirt] The president is on his way to the car LITTLE MOUSE THAT LIVES IN HIS SLEEVE: Ok cool"

"Did you hear about the guy who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now"

"Girl On Fire by Alicia Keyes would be a great theme song for a Vagisil commercial!"

"So I went to a restaurant called Bukkake the other day... WAY too much sauce on everything."

"So frustrating when you have to text but you're home so you have to go get in the car and drive all the way to the left lane of the freeway."

"I miss the old days when street gangs asserted their dominance through aggressive hair combing."

"Why did Jose push his wife off the cliff? Tequila..."

"Oscar Pistorius says he won't be entering other races until the trial is over. I think in prison he'll have to worry more about other races entering him."

"What do you call a dog with no legs in the ocean? Bob Barker"