189818

Joke of the Day

"My therapist asked me what I'd feel if I shot someone. ""Recoil"", I calmly answered."

"[crouches down] [rubs earth between fingers] 'The pizza went that way ..'"

"If you're nice to an animal, it loves you for life. If you're nice to a person, who the fuck knows what's gonna happen."

"I love the word frequently... I try to use it as often as possible."

"I'd say at least 10% of parenting is smelling stuff."

"Why did the ghost get kicked out of the bar? 1. Because he was sheet faced. 1. Because he couldn't hold his boos. EDIT: Formatting."

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."

"In America they have stand up comedy... In the Balkans we have Sit Down Tragedy."

"I wanted to make a joke about transgenders... ...but I don't have the balls to do it. Not anymore anyway."

"If Bears ruled the world, I wonder if they would care whether or not the Humans they mauled were free-range."