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Joke of the Day

"""What's that?"" - My new boss. He's very deciduous"" ""Decisive?"" - Nope. I carved him from a potted tree. *squirrel peeks out of his mouth*"

"A seal walks into a bar A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender asks the seal, ""What's your pleasure?"" The seal replies, ""Anything but Canadian Club."""

"Why are my jokes strikingly similar to your sperm? They're killed almost instantly by assholes."

"What was the poltergeist arrested for at the campground? Possession within tent"

"I don't mind people sneezing in public. It's that ""Pre-sneeze face"" they make that scares the hell out of me."

"FACT : Half of all missing person reports involve people trying to find their way out of IKEA."

"My neighbor poked my eyeball out so I asked for an iPhone 7 as a compensation An i for an eye as they say"

"What the Diffrence between Chinese and Mexican food? Chinese food comes out in about 15-20 minutes and Mexican food comes outta you in about 15-20 minutes."

"What do you call it when a criminal goes down an elevator? A con descending."

"Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor."