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Joke of the Day

"I'm into cryogenics. All the cool kids are doing it."

"What do you get when you put the batteries in the Energizer Bunny backwards? It keeps coming and coming and coming..."

"What's the difference between three dicks and a joke? Your momma can't take a joke."

"What was Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink? A double Manhattan on the rocks."

"AMERICA: Where someone will eventually figure out how to fry Vodka"

"""Dad, we need to talk."" ""Alright."" He grabs a chair and sits. ""Dad, you-"" He grabs yet another chair. ""DAMMIT DAD YOU'RE ADDICTED TO CHAIRS"""

"If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!"

"I sent 117 texts and called you 82 times but you must be busy so I came over to tell you the restraining order expired and I still love you!"

"Don't ask me where I've been all your life if you're going to look so bored when I open my diary and give you a comprehensive answer."

"Robocop's guns malfunction. Robocop gets sued for manslaughter. Robocop loses his home. Hobocop."