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Joke of the Day

"Don't ask me where I've been all your life if you're going to look so bored when I open my diary and give you a comprehensive answer."

"""Toothpaste? You made that word up!"" - Steve Bushemi"

"If a word in a dictionary were misspelled how would we know?"

"NFL No Fingers Left"

"The pollen count that's a difficult job! [Credit to Milton Jones]"

"What do fish smoke? Seaweed."

"Bruce Jenner When Bruce Jenner finally gets his va-jay-jay operation done, will the docs give him a hymen? And who's gonna be the lucky guy to pop it?"

"Why does Uranus look so smooth compared to other gas giants in our solar system?"

"What do you call it when two robots have sex? Automating."

"A man walks in on his roommate, Internet, crying in the other room. When he asks why, Internet sobs: ""Everything I touch turns gay!"""