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Joke of the Day

"I keep pushing the potato button on the microwave, but alas, no potato. :("

"How do you get 30 drunk Americans out of the pool? ""Allahu Akhbarrrr"""

"With God all things are possible; but with money all things are probable. And with a good accountant, they're all deductible."

"The police get mad at you if you try to marry a squirrel. Even if you're pretty sure it's a girl squirrel."

"When one door closes another one opens. ... Or you could just re-open the closed door. Because that's how doors work...!!"

"TEAM DEATHMATCH Comment if you understand the reference."

"ATTN: Brazilian football fans Don't feel too bad. Your team only lost by a touchdown."

"What do you call a vegetable that's kinda cool? Rad-ish."

"What's your new year's resolution? Mine is 1440 * 900."

"The bartender says ""I'm sorry, we don't serve faster-than-light particles here."" A tachyon walks into a bar."