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Joke of the Day

"How do you get 30 drunk Americans out of the pool? ""Allahu Akhbarrrr"""

"I am not that kind of woman...I""m much worse."

"Do you know anything about real estate? ""Points to groin"" Can you tell me if this is a ""lot"""

"Me: time for bed Brain: yeah I'm tired too M: really? wow we may actually get some slee- B: hey do you think anyone's died in this house?"

"Some people say Steve Jobs died to early... but I'd say its an appropriate metaphor for his companies policy on battery life"

"Me:*shows up to 1st date with giraffe* Her: OMG, can this date get any better Me:*pulls out saddle* You bet giraffe it can"

"I wouldn't want to live forever. I don't even want to stay at a party past eleven."

"What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend? Homeless."

"""Hey, Cyclops."" ""Hey, Cyclops, are you still dating Jean?"" ""No, Storm, we broke up. You could say she's my..."" *lowers sunglasses* *eye beams obliterate Storm*"

"[helping a pretty girl change a flat tire] me struggling to loosen lug nuts: Who put these on... Superman? her: I did"