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Joke of the Day

"TEAM DEATHMATCH Comment if you understand the reference."

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"Lord give me coffee to change the things I can...and vodka to accept the things I cannot. Amen!"
"A good coffee table book would be photos of U.S. Presidents' orgasm faces."
"What kind of Mechanics fix and break your car at the same time? Quantum Mechanics."
"hey honey... ... you remember that really posh restaurant we ate at? 'sure... i guess so' ... what about that one time i undercooked the chicken? 'YES. EVERY DETAIL'."
"It's nothing serious, we're not dating or anything, we just sometimes get brunch together, were just Friends with Benedict."
"4yo: You're a good dad. Me: Thanks. 4yo: You'd be better if you said yes more. Me: Okay. 4yo: Can I have ice cream? Think about what I said."
"What do you call a group of transsexual surfers? The radical left."
"What does a guy with 2 right feet wear to the beach? Flop-Flops :)"
"If the music's too loud you're too old."