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Joke of the Day

"Figure skating is so gay. That's it, Olympics, I'm switching over to Project Runway."

"What did Martin Luther King Jr., Rosa Parks, and Nelson Mandela all have in common? They're all criminals."

"I like to skip my digestive system and just place my Chipotle burrito directly into my toilet."

"""Honey"" said Mrs. Beldon to her husband ""Lester's teacher says he ought to have an encyclopedia."" ""Encyclopedia my eye!"" exclaimed Beldon. ""Let him walk to school like I did."""

"I hadn't heard any news about George Michael for nearly a year... And then Wham! Last Christmas."

"Farting in an elevator is.... WRONG.....on so many levels....."

"I cannot wait for my date tonight. Dates really are the best part of ramadan"

"Has your mom ever caught you masturbating in the closet? Great hiding spot, isn't it?"

"me: How long are you going to keep throwing that in my face?! Netflix: Because you watched ""The Wedding Planner"""

"Throwing a surprise party for my girlfriend so just remember that on the count of three we all yell ""SURPRISE YOU'RE ERIC'S GIRLFRIEND"""