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Joke of the Day

"Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolate... They'll kill your dog."

"Opportunity knocks only once, if you hear a second knock it's probably a Jehovah's witness."

"I'm really worried about this Harry Potter kid. Seems like he's definitely gonna die."

"I used to be into S&M, bestiality and necrophilia Then I realised I was just beating a dead horse."

"Timmy, you're a great son but the YouTube analytics data from our home movies show that people think you're boring so go live in the attic."

"The chicken and the egg lay in bed together sharing a cigarette... The chicken turns to the egg and says, ""well, I guess we answered that one."""

"Poker No YouPorn I do not want to play poker, I'm at work."

"You're like the menstrual cramp and bloating of people."

"""Here's Ted with the weather."" ""..."" ""I said... Here's Ted with the weather."" ""..."" ""Ted?"" ""THAT's what an unanswered text feels like, Sue."""

"Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation? He said ''So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses!"