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Joke of the Day

"""IT'S A BOY!"" I shouted. ""A BOY! I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT'S A BOY!"" And with tears streaming down my face, I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel..."

"Why did the hipster burn his tongue on his coffee? Because his barista fucking hastes hipsters."

"What do you do at a festival when the bass is too much? Drop some acid, it'll neutralize the effect"

"Harry was blind. His friends bought him a silver-coated nutmeg grater. When they asked how he liked it, he said it was the most violent story he'd ever read."

"i imagine my dog spends a lot of time thinking about how tall i am and how great it is to have a giant as a best friend who can reach treats"

"Unless you're going to tell me there's a sniper target on me, I can wait for you to finish chewing to hear what you have to say. Thanks."

"Why are black people so good at running? Because when they here the gun go off they start runnin."

"Knock Knock Who's there? 9/11 9/11 who? You said you'd Never Forget"

"What sexual position produces the ugliest babies? Go ask your mother."

"My ex-girlfriend has a tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh. and if you hold your ear against it, you can smell the sea."