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Joke of the Day

"What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Damn!"

"What kind of jeans does Mario wear? Denim Denim Denim"

"GUY POSING FOR THE SCREAM PAINTING: Are you done? Let me see EDVARD MUNCH: You look great GUY: Let me see EDVARD MUNCH: No"

"How do you catch a unique rabbit? You 'neek up on it. Wanna know how to catch a tame rabbit too? The tame way."

"""She's got legs. She knows how to use them."" ""So she's ambulatory then?"" ""... I guess?"" ""And is that really all you're looking for?"""

"New on NBC.... A buddy cop drama starring a mentally challenged detective and his Native American partner. They're gonna call it Tard and Feathered."

"ME: Tall, dark, toilet-trained. YOU: Pizza."

"What's your best limerick? There once was a fellow McSweeny Who spilled some gin on his weenie Just to be couth He added vermouth Then slipped his girlfriend a martini"

"retweet this to electronically sign my petition to ban windmills worldwide . we've had enough bird casualties . and for what ?more wind ?"

"The fourth Harry Potter book marked a huge tone shift for the rest of the series. I mean, the fifth book was dead serious."