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Joke of the Day

"OK, guy with the two kayaks and two bikes strapped to his Subaru Outback: settle down. Save some outdoors for the rest of us."

"[out to eat with in-laws] Me: Waiter, your cheapest bottle of champagne Wife: Hey these are my parents Me: Waiter, 4 glasses of tap water"

"A man is taking a picture of a koala This has some really great koalaty"

"Went out with a blind girl last night A blind girl was jerking me off last night, and told me I had the biggest dick she's ever felt. I told her she was pulling my leg."

"I like my slaves like I like my eggs. Beaten."

"Dear everyone reading this tweet, What's the future like?"

"Koi Fish always travel in groups of four That's because while the A Koi, the B Koi and the C Koi escape. The predator will always go after the D Koi"

"How many light bulbs does it take to screw in a light bulb? Light bulb."

"That feeling when you think someone's smiling at you but it's actually directed at someone behind you is the way I feel all the time"

"Two fonts walk into a line dance club. The barman says to them ""Get out. We don't serve your type here."""