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Joke of the Day

"A bit cheesy but here goes: There once was a man who used to collect spices from all over the world... now he just doesn't have the thyme."

"Q: Why do cats like to hear other cats make noise? - A: It's meow-sic to their ears!"

"[at sheep farm] Me: So how do you get steel wool? Farmer: well, that we get from our metal sheep Me: huh? *sheep walks by with Slayer shirt"

"Accidentally left creatine out on the counter overnight and there's a bigass 3"" tall ant in my kitchen calling me bro now... scared to go in"

"The five second rule doesn't apply to babies. You can pick them up anytime after dropping."

"How did Simba make the Pride Lands great again? He put up a wall"

"How did Moses feel after falling for a craigslist scam? Egypt."

"I got arrested for killing a black man. They charged me with impersonating a police officer."

"*wife spends all morning convincing son not to be afraid of the dentist* ""Dad are you coming too?"" Hell no dentists scare the shit out of me"

"What deal did the undead entrepreneurial cattle farmer advertise? Shit for Brains"