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Joke of the Day

"[at sheep farm] Me: So how do you get steel wool? Farmer: well, that we get from our metal sheep Me: huh? *sheep walks by with Slayer shirt"

"Made a hiking playlist called 'trail mix' It has a lot of eminem in it"

"Why didn't the Cancer Cowboy head out West? He was afraid of Chemo-sabe."

"How many anesthesiologists does it... take... to... ... change... ... a... ... ... ... ..."

"Give a man a fish, sickening him with botulism which spreads rapidly, people begin dying in droves, STACKS OF CORPSES BLOT OUT THE SUN."

"Due to steroids, women assume a guy with huge muscles has shriveled testicles. That's why I stay out of shape. The ladies know I'm packing."

"My pharmacists won't return my calls anymore *snotty cries* something about no more refills. Quick someone sneeze on me! I'm lonely."

"People who take things literally on twitter, stop. Wait. First take this tweet literally, then stop."

"The detective knew exactly what the murder weapon was. It was a brief case."

"Did you hear about the sheep who committed suicide before they could sheer him? He died in the wool."