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Joke of the Day

"[at sheep farm] Me: So how do you get steel wool? Farmer: well, that we get from our metal sheep Me: huh? *sheep walks by with Slayer shirt"

"Two Native Indians in a canoe and two Dutchman in a restaurant... Who tips first?"

"You can learn a lot about a man based on how he responds to a bird pooping on him. Also background checks and digging thru his trash."

"How many LAPD officers does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to beat the bulb for being broke, another to shoot the room for being black."

"That guy who ran through the White House could go to prison for ten years, so there's another reason I don't run."

"Student: What is the chance we are alone in the universe? Professor: Astronomical."

"Sometimes I crash parties in a swimsuit, and tell people I'm a Reverse Lifeguard keeping an eye on the land."

"What do you get when ant's parents won't let him marry his girlfriend? Antelopes."

"Stop correcting my vodkabulary"

"What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant? Any place without a drive-up window."