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Joke of the Day

"Hang in there, people suffering from natural disasters and deadly diseases - we're putting ribbons on our cars as fast as we can"

"The Wind is a Force So when I pass gas i must be using the Force."

"""Everybody freeze!"" -November"

"My wife said I was bad in bed so I banged her on the coffee table. Location. Location. Location."

"First Witch: I like your toad. He always has such a nice expression on his face. Second Witch: It's because he's a hoptimist."

"So archaeologists found another Dead Sea Scroll... They opened it up, and read: GENESIS 1:0 ""Before the beginning, there was Chuck Norris. And Chuck Norris said, 'Let there be God.'"""

"I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal."

"Bill Clinton rapes a woman... Hillary Clinton then says to him... ""Bill did you rape another woman?"" Get it? Bill Clinton rapes women...."

"So I went to the doctor, and he told me to stop masturbating. ""Why?"" I asked. ""Because I'm trying to talk to you, and it's very distracting."""

"How a phone recall works. Samsung: Send us your exploding phone. Microsoft/Nokia: A software update will fix that. Apple: You are using it wrong."