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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a bad golfer, and a bad skydiver? The golfer goes ""*Whack* Damn!"" The skydiver goes ""Damn! *Whack*"""

"My doctor advised me to stay away from trans fats. I guess I should really get off Tumblr"

"What's Irish and stays on your back porch all year? Patty O'Furniture"

"You know that one cow in the field that's like 200 yards away from all his cow friends just doing his own thing? That's me. I am that cow."

"Patient: Doctor every night i see ants playing football Doctor: It's okay take these pills Patient: No way tomorrow is the final"

"(Starbucks drive thru) Me: I'd like to pay-it-forward for the car behind me. Barista: That will be $30 Me: How much for the car behind him?"

"Christmas vacation is like my dick... ...not long enough."

"What is the funniest two legged lizard? The stand-up chameleon."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Beggar ! Beggar who ? Beggar you don't know !"

"You know how I know we are gonna have sex? I'm stronger than you!"