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Joke of the Day

"How boring my life has become! The only time I hear myself say, ""I'm coming"" is when I'm trying to tell my dog I'm getting his food ready!"

"I've been dating this girl who works at the zoo. I'm pretty sure she's a keeper."

"It's 4/20 and I'm not looking forward to weeding through all the bad jokes today."

"I'm never gonna tell the person I'm meeting up with that you said hi."

"Q: What is the difference between a viola and a trampoline? A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline."

"It's like my teeth got in trouble in school & aren't allowed to sit together."

"What did the drifter say to the person he hit ? RIP my E-brake"

"What is the one thing you don't give to a Jewish kindergartner? A gold star."

"Fuck you, stupid ass crackers!!! Why won't you melt in my soup!?!?"

"Raise your hand if this is your first time under a helicopter. Ah, sorry to make an example of you Johnson, but that's why we never do that."