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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a women's track team and a bunch of African pygmies? The African pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts. The women's track team are a bunch of running cunts."

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"Fairy tales My granddaughter asked me, ""Do all fairy tales begin with ""Once upon a time?"" I said, no, some begin with ""If elected, I promise to........................"""
"Can ""born this way"" apply to laziness?"
"""What'd you do this weekend?"" I was shooting craps. ""Oh you went to a casino?"" *flashback to blasting dog turds with shotgun* Um, yeah."
"What kind of people have the most beautiful eyes? Beekeepers. Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder."
"Why did the chicken droid NOT cross the road? Because it had a bad motivator!"
"Did you hear about the construction worker that got arrested? He was handling his wood in public."
"What religious group does reddit belong in? Cat holics"
"I'm sorry, I'm about to lose you because I'm driving through a tunnel underwater in a canyon on an airplane while hanging up the phone."
"Just saw on the news that Apple is suing Samsung: They claim that the Galaxy S3 has copied concepts used on the iPhone 6."