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Joke of the Day

"I'm sorry, I'm about to lose you because I'm driving through a tunnel underwater in a canyon on an airplane while hanging up the phone."

"*waters flowers* *flowers die* *sprays weeds with poison* *weeds mutate, quadruple in size, grow 3 heads, and start speaking in tongues*"

"Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, ""Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here."" Helium doesn't react."

"Apparently If ur BF says ""if anything happens to me,I want u to meet someone new...."" ""anything"" doesn't include getting stuck in traffic."

"'Twas the day before Christmas, and all through the mall There were multiple reports of trampling injuries."

"*walking in forest* *tree falls and makes a loud noise* WOAH *tree gets up* *tree pull a knife on me* ""You didn't hear SHIT"" *tree runs off*"

"PayPal is spinning eBay off into its own company. After several years, PayPal finally got tired of living with a hoarder."

"What are Mexican hackers called? BanDDoS"

"I was getting a massage and I asked the masseuse if it was normal for a man to get an erection He replied that it was. So I asked if he could get it out of my face."

"If cops can drive undercover cars, we should be able to drive cop cars. It's only fair."