150230

Joke of the Day

"What kind of people have the most beautiful eyes? Beekeepers. Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder."

"A man was meeting a girlfriend somewhere... And she said: ""is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"" He replied: ""Either way, we're having sex tonight"""

"I still believe in love. But I also believe in sasquatch, nessy, and that I could win the lottery. So there's that...."

"Death row last meal? Starfish. Eat a leg, it grows back. Sit back and enjoy a long life eating starfish legs in an electric chair."

"You like parachuting? That's messed up... you like the Paris Shooting!?"

"But seriously folks, what is Joe Walsh's best album?"

"I went to get a haircut today... ...but I couldn't remember what I wanted off the top of my head, so I left."

"dad: I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU YOUNG MAN son: HI VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU YOUNG MAN IM GREG dad: omg [sheds a tear]"

"*shipwrecked diary* Day 1: alone, doing well. Mentally sound. Met a crab Day 2: I have married the crab. Day 3: I have eaten my wife."

"Why didn't the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe!"