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Joke of the Day

"[1st date] {don't let her know you're Hitler} HER: what are you going to eat? ME: definitely not seafood HER: did u say nazi food? ME: shit"

"On a positive note, once Trump becomes president and burns the world to the ground, our student loan debt is essentially wiped clean"

"Q. Which servant of Jehovah was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible? A. Moses. Because he broke all 10 commandments; at once."

"What's the difference between my dick and a motorcycle? Your mom hasn't ridden a motorcycle"

"what do you call the people who were protecting a van? the vanguard"

"Sucks that these Crest strips only come in white"

"My girlfriend told me that her gran died of food poisoning. The toughest part was acting surprised."

"People always look at me weird when I argue with my food, but what can I say? I cook a mean steak."

"I asked a blonde friend to check if my blinker was working, her reply was 'Yes, it is. No, it's not. Yes, it is. No, it's not.'"

"Why are false teeth like stars? Because they come out at night."