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Joke of the Day

"What's the only animal that can't get hit in the head? Duck."

"Where do cows like to live? St. Moo-is."

"When I die, I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like Fidel Castro ... ... not screaming in terror, like his victims."

"Anyone can beat a polygraph.It doesn't even have hands."

"So a baby seal walks into a bar... The bartender asks ""what can I get you?"". The baby seal replies "" anything but a Canadian club on the rocks""."

"How do you endanger the fly species? Slap an African child."

"""I'd hit that if I was drunk."" - Me, driving by a mailbox just now."

"Michael Phelps won his 21st olympic gold medal. You could say he's swimming in them!"

"It's great to get laid, It's awesome to get off, but damn it sucks to get laid off."

"I was so touched last week when a shopkeeper handed my 3yo a donut without checking with me, that today I gave his teen a bag of heroin."