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Joke of the Day

"When I die, I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like Fidel Castro ... ... not screaming in terror, like his victims."

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"""Hola! I'm Senor Coconut, children"" [cracks head on the pavement. Children scream] ""Drink me. Drink me. I'm full of vitamins and minerals"""
"I was wondering what my parents did without the internet and none of my 7 siblings could tell me"
"Can any of you read your Chinese food bill? Looks like they charged me for a chicken lo-mein, a python, Africa, and a diet Coke."
"What does Superman and a Blood gang member who lost his gun have in common? Neither one of them want to see a Kryptonite..."
"Engineers To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, some idiots used a glass that's twice as big than necessary."
"what did the trilby wearing neckbeard atheist find in t he synagogue during channukkah m'nora"
"BEAR JUDGE: Counsel, this is your last warning, you cannot-- LAWYER: *plays dead* BEAR JUDGE: Where did he go"
"Hot tip: Apparently it's frowned upon to make the sound effect tssst when being blessed by a priest"
"Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock -Who's there? -The plane captain."
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