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Joke of the Day

"I figured out why republicans are all over the place this election cycle. If you walk without rythm, it won't attract the Bern... I'll see myself out."

"Whats black on top but white on bottom? Rape."

"What's the similarity between video games and roulette? Very fun until it goes Russian."

"First witch: My beauty is timeless. Second witch: Yes it could stop a clock."

"Big news! Obama read my tweets and appointed me Secretary of Swagriculture"

"Why do women parachutists wear cups? So they won't whistle on the way down."

"How is the NFL like Brokeback Mountain? The Cowboys suck!"

"Philip Seymour Hoffman use to be my favorite actor... But now he's dead to me."

"Investigators say the Germanwings copilot suffered from manic depression. One minute he was up, then he was down."

"When your kids are little you're a superhero. When they're teens you're a super villain. After that, your only power is invisibility."