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Joke of the Day

"First witch: My beauty is timeless. Second witch: Yes it could stop a clock."

"I just had the thought ""pfft. Your father can't die before you are born,"" and I believed it for a full minute. Because I'm smert."

"Just saw John Cena! lol jk"

"So this guy comes in a smokeshop. No wait! A horse! So this guy comes in a horse"

"Did you hear the Pillsbury Doughboy and one of the Cabbage Patch Kids had a baby? It was an ugly little fucker with a yeast infection."

"Why is seeing a snow leopard on the hunt almost, but not quite the rarest thing in the world? A ready predator is pretty rare, but not as rare as a pretty redditor! :)"

"Ever have one of those dreams where you're falling and you wake up when you hit the ground? I had one of those, except I didn't wake up after I hit the ground."

"Why does Jared love 6-inch subs? He doesn't, he likes 14-year old girls"

"My congressman just wrote to tell me if I don't re-elect him, whatever-scares-me-most will probably happen. Send money."

"How did the rabbit know his wife was cheating on him? He found a hare in his bed."