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Joke of the Day

"One day I'll pretend to be gay. I'll make lots of female friends, gain their trust. Become their confidant, and when they least expected...BAAM!!! I'll fuck their boyfriends"

"It's better to be a worldwide alcoholic, than an Alcoholic Anonymous."

"A British man asked to his friend, ""How many seats are there in the van?"" ""More than the Lib Dems."""

"Once again, overheard my 13yo tell someone that I was born in the 1900s. Now I want to hide under the covers and stab all her teddy bears."

"""The princess dies. And then the people trying to save her die. Dragon guarding the castle? Dead"" - Bedtime at George R.R. Martin's house"

"If I ever have a daughter, i'm gonna name her Desire And when she is 18, I'll kick her out of the house and when she asks why, I'll say ""Because all suffering comes from desire""."

"When my wife tells me to jump I have only one question... Why aren't you in the kitchen?"

"Why do men die before their wives? Because they want to."

"There are three types of people in the world. Those that are good with numbers and those who are not."

"What do you call a guy who always phones people? Colin."