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Joke of the Day
"I'm thinking about joining a sports team just so I can get my butt slapped."
Next Joke
"According to my FitBit, last week I burned 23 calories and my Ex's house."
"*Social justice ppl arrive at nintendo headquarters in japan* ""Game... BOY?"" *merciless, graphic slaughter of nintendo employees ensues*"
"College cheerleaders look like no one has told them about human mortality yet."
"What do you call an evil physicist? Sinner of Gravity"
"MY EX WIFE STILL MISSES ME... But her theoretical trajectory seems to be improving!"
"Happy Mother's Day To all the guys and sperm bank who helped you get your gifts and brunch today"
"How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you later."
"I've been driving for about seven years and haven't had an accident yet... I guess you could call me a wreckless driver"
"Scientists have discovered that mothers are the driving force behind their children. Because Force = ma."