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Joke of the Day

"A British man asked to his friend, ""How many seats are there in the van?"" ""More than the Lib Dems."""

"How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but the lighbulb has to want to change."

"Just told my toddler to eat 5 bites of her dinner, to which she replied I was horrible. So I counted the number 3 twice. Biotch."

"She says she only drinks wine to collect corks for her Pinterest project, which is pretty cool cause it looks like she's building a castle."

"What's the hardest part about roller-blading? Telling your parents you're gay."

"How do you turn a computer into a zombie? Send it a byte. Kind of lame but I couldn't help myself."

"Me: What sound do dogs make? 3-year-old: Woof woof. Me: Horses? 3: Neigh. Me: Pigs? 3: Sizzle sizzle. Somebody understands bacon."

"Hey street performer, try juggling life and a real job"

"I saw a group of children crying during my visit to Kiev so I said, ""What Ukraine for?"""

"My priest has this game... Called ""find the skinflute"". I'm starting to think he's no good cause he hides it the same place every time."