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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend laughed at me when I said I was going to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face as I drove pasta."

"You had a flat tire on the highway? What was that like? [cut to: me crying helplessly until AAA arrives] Your survival instincts take over"

"I'd say he was spineless. Yes about as spineless as cooked spaghetti."

"As an adult, I don't like talking about church I went as a kid, but it's a touchy subject"

"I've invented a solar-powered still! It turns sunshine into moonshine. Credit: Quirk."

"What does a Chicago police officer and a professional skateboarder have in common? They both shred footage. (*be gentle, it's my first time.*)"

"TIL Elon Musk has an evil twin that commits crimes every evening. His name is Felon Dusk."

"Obama and Putin are fighting over a phone charger. You might even say they're in a power struggle."

"Shout out to people wondering what the opposite of in is"

"How many kids with ADD does it take to change a light bulb? Wanna ride bikes?!"